My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
