If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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