I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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