i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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