Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Say something about gay babies.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
