im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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