Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
