'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
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