I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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