i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
