God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize