yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
3 2 1 whiskey
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
