Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Shame is for Republicans.
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