this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
