I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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