I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
