I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
