Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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