Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
