Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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