your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
