You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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