Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
