I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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