We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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