She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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