I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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