I wish I could punch you in the face.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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