There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
