I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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