I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
