It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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