tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
