where am i from again
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
it's like heaven, but drunker
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
