I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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