So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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