You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
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we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
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Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
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