god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
