So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
