Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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