her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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