Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
