If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
