You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize