zippers are such a cool invention
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
vagina is talking i cant
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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