so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
