I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
