Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
