So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
