She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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