k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
