windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
