I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
