You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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