Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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