she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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