Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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