Kiss
Puke
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
and she was petting her beer can
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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