in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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