I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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