i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
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I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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