Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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