I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
