I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
