hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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