she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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