i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
