That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
