She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
