Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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