Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
