hell yes lets make some ravioli
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
