I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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