So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
