I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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