i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
