We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
