I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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