Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
