You're my little dorito
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
